Dear YA and Purple One,
Spring has sprung. I know this because there are all these tiny wild bunnies running rampant through my neighborhood.
And they are incredibly cute!
Until you see one flattened on the road.
I know this because as I was out and about one night last week and I saw one crossing the road I slowed down to let the little guy pass.
He was safe, already an inch away from the island in the center of the street and completely clear of my car so I sped up to be on my merry way when, at the last second, the little guy turned around and bolted straight for my tire!
Bawling my eyes out, I turned around and then parked in the middle of the road to keep him "safe" while I figured out what to do with the poor little bugger.
He passed before I could get him euthanized I asked your uncle to put him in a nearby field to be reabsorbed by nature.
The next morning, knowing how bad I felt about it, Grandma tried to cheer me up...by teasing me mercilessly:
"You made your first kill, Dana! You need a name now, like Bunny Killer. Yeah, you can tattoo 'BK' on your knuckles!"
"Um, thanks, Mom?"
"Papa likes Rabbit Slayer better."
Then, later in the day, as I was driving us to lunch and merging into freeway traffic, she was uncomfortable with me merging into another lane with so much traffic and told me, "You can take the next exit and turn around if you want to."
Ignoring her subtle hinting, I confidently aimed the nose of my car into a tiny space between two other cars and told her, "Don't worry, Mom. I'm an aggressive driver."
"I know! Just ask the bunny!" She dissolved into hysterics.
The truth is she did make me laugh. A little.
But I really laughed when I got a call late last night from Grandma. She had just left my house, so I was surprised to hear from her so soon.
"Dana, you're not going to believe this."
"I hit a bunny."
"Yes. And now I know exactly how you feel. The dumbshit aimed right for me! I couldn't believe it! Stupid rabbit. He deserved to die."
"Did you go back for it?"
"No. Trust me. He's dead."
How Grandma and I can be so alike, yet so different is mind-boggling. But, deep-down, I knew she actually did feel a teeny bit bad, so I said, "Hey, Mom?"
Grandma's new nickname is, "Bunny Hunter".
Now, if you love your auntie as much as you say you do, you will call your grandmother this evening and tease her mercilessly for your dear, sweet auntie.